long time no . . .

So...It's been a while. Things got back to normal here, J came back from his military school stuff and I've been enjoying spending time with him. But while I was fending for myself for three weeks I continued the search for a new job (or rather, the beginning of my career and not a job where I am someone's slave). Something where I wouldn't feel like killing myself and that was actually a step in the right direction. Now I won't say too much, but we're definitely like 1/3 of the way there. I'll have more of an update after this week when hopefully a few more things sort themselves out and fall into place.
Day 2 starts tomorrow.

sounds like someone i know...

Grace’s Mom: Where are you kids going on your honeymoon?
Grace: We haven’t really talked about it yet
Leo’s Mom: You should take her to your cabin…
Grace: You have a cabin?
Leo: Yeah, I go up there to fish.
Grace: You fish?
Leo: Yeah, I learned in Africa.
Grace: You were in Africa?
Leo: Yeah, when I was with Doctors without Borders
Grace: You where with Doctors without Borders?
Rosario: Have you two met?
Ellen: So Grace, you gonna keep your last name?
Grace: Uh, I haven’t really thought about it
Grace’s Mom: So how many grandkids can I count on?
Grace: Two
Leo: Five
Grace: Three
Leo: Four
Joe: Didn’t you cover this in your pre-marital counseling?
Grace: We didn’t have any pre-marital counseling.

countdown: 7 days

Today was a downer...I was SO excited to finally have a day to myself since I've been working my butt off but today did not live up to my expectations.

I had a million things on my to-do list, one of which was to make the dreaded trip to the DMV but, of course, I woke up late and couldn't get there early enough to make it worth while. So we can't check that one off the list.

To top off waking up late, we're out of coffee...Now I've survived 2 days so far without it and was hoping to make living caffeine free my new norm but I feel so lethargic! So exhausted to the point where it must be withdrawals and I'm officially a caffeine addict.

Once I got my morning slowly going, took the dogs out and tried to think of what I COULD get done today which only flooded my head with thoughts of every little thing I needed to, most of which I couldn't, and I started to stress out about not getting things done, not having money, and so on and so forth. I finally broke when I spilled my water glass on my phone, all over my license renewal form, and all over my $5 coupon for fresh and easy! The dogs barked when the glass fell and I yelled for them to shut up...seriously? I told my dogs to shut-up? This is a phrase I try very hard not to use...and now I just yelled it at my helpless puppies. I'm a terrible person.

So I decided that I needed to do something to take my mind off things and calm down. I went to the pool. It was sunny and the pool was empty; Mmmmmm pool.

I had a new outlook on things as I left to walk back to the apt. I got in the elevator (the pool is on the 4th floor) and pressed the *1. The elevator dropped pretty rapidly and it came to an abrupt halt, then bounce a little and then nothing. I FREAKED....started pressing buttons :::door open::: :::floor 1::: :::floor 2::: I almost pressed the panic button when the floor number finally went :ding: (yeah yeah it all probably only took like 20 seconds but it was the longest 20 seconds ever!) turns out I was on the third floor, the doors open and I jump out of the elevator. I never even pressed the 3rd floor button! WTF. So I frantically look around for some stairs, none in sight. I tell myself I'm crazy and press the down button again. THANKFULLY the other elevator stopped and I got on, and it worked perfectly fine.

I hate elevators.

Now the puppies are running around our apt. I'm trying to come up with how I will accomplish my to-do list over the next few days since it didn't happen today...although, I did vacuum.

I wish my license wasn't expired and I wasn't broke so I could take myself out for a stiff drink. When is J coming home again?

Countdown: 7 days.

only i decide ,

So there is someone in my life who barely deserves the air she breathes and, for the past 10 months or so, she's been making my life miserable. I am trying desperately to get away but until I can tell her to f*** off, I’ve made a very conscious decision...in my many recent lonely late nights I came to the realization that there is a very long list of things in my life that I can’t change or control and I will concentrate my efforts on the short list that I can control. My first goal is to not let this retched excuse for a person decide how I feel on a daily basis. In the past 3 months I’ve gotten ten times better at ignoring her and my goal over the next week is to completely cut out her control over my emotional well-being. Because no one has the right to control how I feel, my emotions are my decision and at the end of the day, week, month they are the only thing that is truly mine.

...

It wasn't something I wanted to do, and it didn't come easily. But it was something I had to do...in the end I hope that everyone will understand and move on. It wasn't supposed to be anyways, but there are definitely some good memories.